I am again far too ill to write more than a few lines. As I read back through this blog, I realise just how restricted my life has become and how boring it must all seem to anyone who visits here.
I wake up feeling wretched nine times out of ten. I retch and vomit, only beginning to surface after eating a banana. Elder Son usually appears with tea and porridge and then I take a long line of tablets and inhalers at around 10.00.
Sitting up in bed, I read stuff on my iPad: Facebook, Mumsnet, The Purse Forum and the Vivienne Files. If I feel able, I go downstairs to sit with Lovely Husband and watch programmes we have recorded from the TV. We sometimes discuss politics and often argue about some issues. We mostly agree on political matters, but I am becoming even more rampantly feminist as I get older.
Then I have lunch, usually a sandwich, and sit watching more TV.
If we are both fit enough, we may venture out of the house for a couple of hours to a local cafe or to a garden centre. We have tea and a stroll and then go home.
Late afternoon I return to bed and usually read a book for a while, then swap to my iPad again when Elder Son comes home as he tends to play loud music which breaks my concentration.
I have my evening meal cooked for me by one of my “chaps” as I can no longer cook because this sets off my cough. I eat my dinner in bed and take more meds.
The rest of the evening is spent reading or writing blog posts in between taking even more medicine. I go to sleep around 11.30.
And all day and every day I live in terror of the cough. A cough that makes me choke for each breath, gasp to suck air into my lungs, feel my throat closing, lose continence, vomit helplessly, collapse to the floor. I live in fear of an asthma attack, a fainting fit from low blood pressure, a severe pain from acid reflux, of my family finding me passed out.
And that is it. Day after day. Very occasionally, I feel stronger and can go further, visiting a local town or the pub. More usually, I am worse and have to spend the day in bed.
This probably sounds rather sad to those of you who have kept your health, but I am thankful that I have my fantastic LH and two grown up sons who care for me. I have books to take me out of myself. I have the wonderful NHS which is keeping me alive. And I have friends, even if I cannot see them in person. I have the power of technology to connect with people all around the world.
There is so much to be thankful for. So I will stop here.